Well, I guess the hopes of my last post SHOWING up is just a dream. I'm SO angry it disappeared....OH WELL.
SO I'm 34.5 wks. I'm SO big that have been told not only by several nurses from my Dr.'s office AND L&D nurses AND my own DOCTOR, they don't think my poor belly will stretch anymore! I have swelling now in my feet and ankles, something I never had with the girls along with pitting edema. I have swelling AND the pitting edema on my lower stomach....EWWWWWW and my face gets puffy. Needless to say I'm DONE.
The babies are measuring 5.11 and 6.11 as of last week. Let's hope they are OFF a whole lb each. Although let me tell you, I feel like I have over 11 lbs of baby sitting in front of my body. My back is killing me. Something again, I never had while carrying the girls. My own DOCTORS say they would never want to carry multiples, especially after already having singleton pregnancies. THAT is when you know you are in trouble!
I'm SO thankful, as usual, for Jimmy. He's FINALLY on DAY SHIFT!!!!! He's home at night!!!! He gets up with G, he wakes up in the morning and she wakes up and has amazing conversations with her Daddy! I LOVE laying in bed listening to them! He comes home around 4:30, plays with them, cooks dinner, cleans up, gives baths and puts them to bed.....he's truly FATHER OF THE YEAR.
Oh a few weeks ago I also found out I have gallstones....which was why I was having so much chest and back pain...ugh, hopefully they won't cause problems after my c-section, but I'm thinking I'll have to have my gallbladder out at some point. Of course, it'll be in my spare time!
Well, it's time for me to lay down. I get lightheaded when I sit up and lean back on the couch too long.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
exhaustion
I keep meaning to write but I have so much running through my head.
We had a nice Easter, would have been better with some family to celebrate with. I'm so tired of most holiday's just being US. I'm grateful and happy with my little family, but I SOOOO want to show up at a family members house with just a side dish. Preparing brunch AND dinner is exhausting, ESPECIALLY when pregnant AND on Sundays.
Sundays just stink in my house. My "weekends" are really Fridays with Jimmy staying awake and being completely dead tired by 5pm and Saturdays. Sundays we get a part day with Jimmy having to sleep part way through so he can stay awake for his shift that night. I know I'm just complaining, but it's been SO long since we've been "normal." And really, I know, how many families have normal schedules nowadays. But I'm just whining and tired and lonely. I hate being SO far from family. I miss my friends in CA. I miss home. I guess I'm just more sentimental these days, but who wouldn't be.
The past few days I've been having a lot of contractions. I was in L & D Monday night with sporadic contractions, and I wasn't even sure IF they were contractions. Everything that relates to this pregnancy is just SO different than my first 2. Even the Dr. I saw a week ago said that because I'm having the twins for my third pregnancy the pains and difficulties will be much MORE than if they had been my first.....Oh is THAT the truth!
Back to Monday....I got to L&D and waited to be taken back, at least 30 minutes. I was hooked up to all the monitors, (I hate it when they can't find one heartbeat), I sat there, my contractions were confirmed, they did a fFN test, hooked me up to an IV and I waited. The nurse that was taking care of me told me that the Dr said if the fFN came back negative I would be let go, still contracting.....Well, that's what happened and after being there for 2 hrs I came home around 10pm. Ever since Monday I've been contracting. The only time I pretty much DON'T is when I lay down and don't do anything. This will be a GREAT 9 weeks. I feel HORRIBLE. Georgia is just being neglected. All she wants to do is go to the park, go outside, have me pick her up....and I can't do any of it. She's stop falling asleep on her own, and for the past few days has only been falling asleep with me in my bed. NOT WINNING!
Adding to the contractions is extreme pain at my c-section scar. The stress from the weight of my boys is so great I feel like I'm being ripped open. I know total TMI, but again, it just totally sucks.
I'm SO cranky lately I don't even like to be around myself. I actually told Jimmy this past Friday afternoon that I could "Complain for hours" Not exactly something ANY husband wants to EVER hear.....But if I keep it in, like I tend to do, I just get mean. I yell at Stella, Georgia, Jimmy even the darn cat. The worst part is, I'm BORED. I should be laying down and resting, but I have just never been so damn bored in my life. I'm tired of TV. I can't just lay in bed either, I must be on either side (which hurts my hips) and it's difficult to read that way. I try, but I'm just so uncomfortable. I know there are other moms out there that have been either on bed rest or just at the point in their pregnancy where they JUST CAN'T DEAL anymore....well I'm there. I have 9 1/2 weeks left. I've been given the date of July 12th 9am for my c-section. It seems close, yet OH SO FAR AWAY.
We had a nice Easter, would have been better with some family to celebrate with. I'm so tired of most holiday's just being US. I'm grateful and happy with my little family, but I SOOOO want to show up at a family members house with just a side dish. Preparing brunch AND dinner is exhausting, ESPECIALLY when pregnant AND on Sundays.
Sundays just stink in my house. My "weekends" are really Fridays with Jimmy staying awake and being completely dead tired by 5pm and Saturdays. Sundays we get a part day with Jimmy having to sleep part way through so he can stay awake for his shift that night. I know I'm just complaining, but it's been SO long since we've been "normal." And really, I know, how many families have normal schedules nowadays. But I'm just whining and tired and lonely. I hate being SO far from family. I miss my friends in CA. I miss home. I guess I'm just more sentimental these days, but who wouldn't be.
The past few days I've been having a lot of contractions. I was in L & D Monday night with sporadic contractions, and I wasn't even sure IF they were contractions. Everything that relates to this pregnancy is just SO different than my first 2. Even the Dr. I saw a week ago said that because I'm having the twins for my third pregnancy the pains and difficulties will be much MORE than if they had been my first.....Oh is THAT the truth!
Back to Monday....I got to L&D and waited to be taken back, at least 30 minutes. I was hooked up to all the monitors, (I hate it when they can't find one heartbeat), I sat there, my contractions were confirmed, they did a fFN test, hooked me up to an IV and I waited. The nurse that was taking care of me told me that the Dr said if the fFN came back negative I would be let go, still contracting.....Well, that's what happened and after being there for 2 hrs I came home around 10pm. Ever since Monday I've been contracting. The only time I pretty much DON'T is when I lay down and don't do anything. This will be a GREAT 9 weeks. I feel HORRIBLE. Georgia is just being neglected. All she wants to do is go to the park, go outside, have me pick her up....and I can't do any of it. She's stop falling asleep on her own, and for the past few days has only been falling asleep with me in my bed. NOT WINNING!
Adding to the contractions is extreme pain at my c-section scar. The stress from the weight of my boys is so great I feel like I'm being ripped open. I know total TMI, but again, it just totally sucks.
I'm SO cranky lately I don't even like to be around myself. I actually told Jimmy this past Friday afternoon that I could "Complain for hours" Not exactly something ANY husband wants to EVER hear.....But if I keep it in, like I tend to do, I just get mean. I yell at Stella, Georgia, Jimmy even the darn cat. The worst part is, I'm BORED. I should be laying down and resting, but I have just never been so damn bored in my life. I'm tired of TV. I can't just lay in bed either, I must be on either side (which hurts my hips) and it's difficult to read that way. I try, but I'm just so uncomfortable. I know there are other moms out there that have been either on bed rest or just at the point in their pregnancy where they JUST CAN'T DEAL anymore....well I'm there. I have 9 1/2 weeks left. I've been given the date of July 12th 9am for my c-section. It seems close, yet OH SO FAR AWAY.
Friday, April 22, 2011
what a mom thinks....and feels
As a mom I often wonder if THIS is what I'm supposed to be doing. Am I doing everything I possibly can to make the lives of my children the best it can be? I second guess EVERYTHING I do. I also LOSE it way too easily. The last thing I want to do is "mess" things up. Besides being pregnant and exhausted, I was tired and drained BEFORE the existence of Batman and Robin. The constant questions and repeating a child does, DRAINS YOU. How many times can a person repeat themselves without getting annoyed?
How do you take time for yourself really, and NOT feel the MOMMY GUILT? I'm always wanting Jimmy to get some time for himself. After all, he works, out of the home, AT NIGHT! He deserves it. YET, when he does go running or something there is STILL that stupid part of me that is angry. UGH. I hate it. WHY do I do this?!?! He's constantly telling me to go get a pedicure or go get some coffee or just get out. DO I? NO? WHY? Because of MOMMY GUILT. Why doesn't anyone warn you about this? No matter what I do, I think I could be spending this money on XY & Z.....and NOT on me. Yes, I've been told Oh, you need to take care of yourself before you are able to take care of others.....blah blah blah. Those people don't know ME! LOL. I am the QUEEN of guilt. I've always felt too selfish, that I don't deserve it. Maybe that explains my high anxiety?!
Speaking of anxiety. Once again, why doesn't anyone ever tell you about how scary it is to have children and "LET GO" at times. There are so many horrifying stories. Some, like Sarah Foxwell that are just literally, WAY too close to home. Ever since the disappearance of Sarah and watching the tragedy unfold in our town my anxiety increased. It's never gone away. I check on the girls nightly. I worry constantly. I feel like I live on edge ALWAYS. With Jimmy gone at night I can't help but THINK. Having his past job in law enforcement and his job now....he still gets threats. I have the angel and devil in my head that argue back and forth about what can possibly happen and what most likely will NEVER HAPPEN. But as a MOTHER, the *WHAT IF* is very real.
WHAT DOES A MOM DO?
I just go on....with the anxiety, with the THOUGHTS, with the worry. I tell my girls I love them as much as I can. I feel GUILTY when I lose it and yell. But I ALWAYS HUG THEM and SAY SORRY when I need to. I try not to rush too much. I try to remember that this moment I will NEVER get back. And most of all....I BREATHE...I remember they are innocent, are pure and ALWAYS learning. I'm the one to teach them right and wrong. I just try my best and remember too, I am NOT perfect in anyway AND I too am still learning. I'm learning about me. I learn about my faults, my strengths and my weaknesses. I try to better myself for myself and my children. And I guess.....that means taking some time for myself...to recharge. hmmmm, interesting. :)
How do you take time for yourself really, and NOT feel the MOMMY GUILT? I'm always wanting Jimmy to get some time for himself. After all, he works, out of the home, AT NIGHT! He deserves it. YET, when he does go running or something there is STILL that stupid part of me that is angry. UGH. I hate it. WHY do I do this?!?! He's constantly telling me to go get a pedicure or go get some coffee or just get out. DO I? NO? WHY? Because of MOMMY GUILT. Why doesn't anyone warn you about this? No matter what I do, I think I could be spending this money on XY & Z.....and NOT on me. Yes, I've been told Oh, you need to take care of yourself before you are able to take care of others.....blah blah blah. Those people don't know ME! LOL. I am the QUEEN of guilt. I've always felt too selfish, that I don't deserve it. Maybe that explains my high anxiety?!
Speaking of anxiety. Once again, why doesn't anyone ever tell you about how scary it is to have children and "LET GO" at times. There are so many horrifying stories. Some, like Sarah Foxwell that are just literally, WAY too close to home. Ever since the disappearance of Sarah and watching the tragedy unfold in our town my anxiety increased. It's never gone away. I check on the girls nightly. I worry constantly. I feel like I live on edge ALWAYS. With Jimmy gone at night I can't help but THINK. Having his past job in law enforcement and his job now....he still gets threats. I have the angel and devil in my head that argue back and forth about what can possibly happen and what most likely will NEVER HAPPEN. But as a MOTHER, the *WHAT IF* is very real.
WHAT DOES A MOM DO?
I just go on....with the anxiety, with the THOUGHTS, with the worry. I tell my girls I love them as much as I can. I feel GUILTY when I lose it and yell. But I ALWAYS HUG THEM and SAY SORRY when I need to. I try not to rush too much. I try to remember that this moment I will NEVER get back. And most of all....I BREATHE...I remember they are innocent, are pure and ALWAYS learning. I'm the one to teach them right and wrong. I just try my best and remember too, I am NOT perfect in anyway AND I too am still learning. I'm learning about me. I learn about my faults, my strengths and my weaknesses. I try to better myself for myself and my children. And I guess.....that means taking some time for myself...to recharge. hmmmm, interesting. :)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday and Tuesday
Monday April 18 2011
My silly girls playing with their pom poms Monday night
So I made a GREAT dinner! Tomato cream sauce and pasta from Allrecipes.com. I'm not a pasta fan AT ALL, but Jimmy loves pasta. To the recipe I added a half a can of tomato paste plus sauteed garlic shrimp. WOW! YUMMY. Even the girls ate it up and really enjoyed it! GO ME!
GEORGIA
Georgia had a rough nights sleep Sunday night, she whimpered out a lot and cried at 4am she came walking in my room and said, SLEEP WITH MOMMY. I didn't care, I just wanted her to STOP!
She had a fairly good day, ate a TON!!! Raisin bread, strawberries, blueberries, a HUGE banana, chocolate pudding, havarti cheese, quarter of an apple, a slice of liverwurst, a quarter of a red bell pepper with some ranch, AND hummus and pretzel crisps...ALL BEFORE NOON!
She made me "Cookie soup" and we ate it out of her plastic tea set. She's SO creative!
She napped, FINALLY at 2pm and woke up when I had gone to pick up Stella from the bus stop. (I will leave her home when she sleeps while Jimmy sleeps....) Well, she woke up, no biggie, but Jimmy didn't hear her....OH BOY. I walked up the walkway to see her give me the dirtiest look and then she started to cry....UGH, what a shot through my heart!
Tuesday April 19 2011
PREGNANCY
I'm 26 wks.....12 more weeks....unless I actually go into labor OR persuade one of my doctors to take me sooner. DEAR GOD, I don't think I can make it. The only way I'm NOT in pain is if I lay down all day and not do anything.....UGH, that doesn't happen very often, if ever.
I just wish sleeping was easier. It hurts. Hip pain, back pain, belly pain....oh my gosh. AND turning OVER.....let's just say there is a LOT of moaning involved and it's an ugly site! LOL
I went to the OB today and gained 3 more lbs!!! YAY! It's a 4 lb gain total. Initially I was hoping to gain 40 lbs...I'll be lucky to make it to 20. I know, most people think WHY do you want to gain, WHY are you worried so much. Well I've been reading this wonderful book by Dr. Barbara Luke, When you're expecting Twins, Triplets and quads. I've even been in touch through email with her a bit. The demands of multiples on your body is just AMAZING. There are SO many things that can go wrong SO QUICKLY. My goal this pregnancy was to stay as hydrated as I possibly can. Both with Stella and Georgia I had kidney and bladder problems. At 26 wks with Stella I had kidney stones and had a scare with pre-term labor. After the week in the hospital I contracted continuously until I was 38 wks. And with Georgia I was about 32 weeks when I went into L&D due to not feeling well...when I was there I went to the bathroom and there was bright red blood everywhere. I had a severe bladder infection. As ANY woman who has gone through pregnancy the LAST thing you ever want to see is blood when you go to the bathroom. I will NEVER forget the feeling of leaving L&D that day with my medication and standing next to my car just sobbing....WHAT A SCARE! I still tear up just thinking of the emotions of that day, seeing blood and being 32 wks I initially thought G was coming 8 wks early...NOT something I was wanting.
So here I am, drinking my days away,LOL, Doing all I have to do to avoid dehydration. When I'm not drinking I eat, but man to I get full fast. Trying to keep positive thoughts for the next 12 wks. I'm just taking it one day at a time.
-allison
My silly girls playing with their pom poms Monday night
So I made a GREAT dinner! Tomato cream sauce and pasta from Allrecipes.com. I'm not a pasta fan AT ALL, but Jimmy loves pasta. To the recipe I added a half a can of tomato paste plus sauteed garlic shrimp. WOW! YUMMY. Even the girls ate it up and really enjoyed it! GO ME!
GEORGIA
Georgia had a rough nights sleep Sunday night, she whimpered out a lot and cried at 4am she came walking in my room and said, SLEEP WITH MOMMY. I didn't care, I just wanted her to STOP!
She had a fairly good day, ate a TON!!! Raisin bread, strawberries, blueberries, a HUGE banana, chocolate pudding, havarti cheese, quarter of an apple, a slice of liverwurst, a quarter of a red bell pepper with some ranch, AND hummus and pretzel crisps...ALL BEFORE NOON!
She made me "Cookie soup" and we ate it out of her plastic tea set. She's SO creative!
She napped, FINALLY at 2pm and woke up when I had gone to pick up Stella from the bus stop. (I will leave her home when she sleeps while Jimmy sleeps....) Well, she woke up, no biggie, but Jimmy didn't hear her....OH BOY. I walked up the walkway to see her give me the dirtiest look and then she started to cry....UGH, what a shot through my heart!
Tuesday April 19 2011
PREGNANCY
I'm 26 wks.....12 more weeks....unless I actually go into labor OR persuade one of my doctors to take me sooner. DEAR GOD, I don't think I can make it. The only way I'm NOT in pain is if I lay down all day and not do anything.....UGH, that doesn't happen very often, if ever.
I just wish sleeping was easier. It hurts. Hip pain, back pain, belly pain....oh my gosh. AND turning OVER.....let's just say there is a LOT of moaning involved and it's an ugly site! LOL
I went to the OB today and gained 3 more lbs!!! YAY! It's a 4 lb gain total. Initially I was hoping to gain 40 lbs...I'll be lucky to make it to 20. I know, most people think WHY do you want to gain, WHY are you worried so much. Well I've been reading this wonderful book by Dr. Barbara Luke, When you're expecting Twins, Triplets and quads. I've even been in touch through email with her a bit. The demands of multiples on your body is just AMAZING. There are SO many things that can go wrong SO QUICKLY. My goal this pregnancy was to stay as hydrated as I possibly can. Both with Stella and Georgia I had kidney and bladder problems. At 26 wks with Stella I had kidney stones and had a scare with pre-term labor. After the week in the hospital I contracted continuously until I was 38 wks. And with Georgia I was about 32 weeks when I went into L&D due to not feeling well...when I was there I went to the bathroom and there was bright red blood everywhere. I had a severe bladder infection. As ANY woman who has gone through pregnancy the LAST thing you ever want to see is blood when you go to the bathroom. I will NEVER forget the feeling of leaving L&D that day with my medication and standing next to my car just sobbing....WHAT A SCARE! I still tear up just thinking of the emotions of that day, seeing blood and being 32 wks I initially thought G was coming 8 wks early...NOT something I was wanting.
So here I am, drinking my days away,LOL, Doing all I have to do to avoid dehydration. When I'm not drinking I eat, but man to I get full fast. Trying to keep positive thoughts for the next 12 wks. I'm just taking it one day at a time.
-allison
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Kids & Pregnancy
Run Stella Run
So my sweetheart Stella came off the bus Friday with her 1st place trophy! She mentioned she wanted a trophy, and I as most mothers said, "Ok honey, sure" not really *thinking* she'd ACTUALLY win the trophy!!! Now, I'm pretty sure it's just for her grade, but she originally told me she wanted to run 10 laps, and AGAIN, I said "Ok, honey Sure" WELL.....14 laps later!!!! I just can't believe it! She's AMAZING!
She helped raise over $500 for her school! I just can't believe ALL of the support she received! THANKS BUNCHES to everyone!!!
Georgia
The defiance of this 2 yr old AMAZES me. The screaming and throwing and just plain yells of "NOOOOOO." UGH UGH UGH
Now I know we all think our children are smart/above their peers etc....but I swear in certain aspects she really is! LOL. It amazes me how she's able to manipulate and get her way. Now yes, I DO give in at times. She's dealing with the loss of the binky and has replaced it with the comfort of her bed, watching freakin Dora on her DVD player and cuddling with her animals and occasional 'baba' (bottle). But as I speak to her OT, we are just picking our battles. Her anxiety levels increase drastically at times of distress. It's such a difficult thing to watch and deal with. I'm hoping in the next week to get her back into seeing her therapist.
PREGNANCY with twins
Let me first say, I figured this pregnancy would be well, different. BUT never in my LIFE would I think I would be in as much pain as I am. Feeling like you've been hit between the legs with a baseball bat 24/7 is just UN-FREAKIN REAL.
The exhaustion as well is just ridiculous. I often find myself saying, "I don't know why I'm so tired" UGH. I guess when you have double the amount of blood, 2 little bodies leaching everything out of you AND the inability to sleep....one can get tired more often. BUT I just feel so guilty. Jimmy sleeps about 6 hrs a day and then takes care of all of us PLUS cleans up the kitchen every night then goes to work at 11:30.....What a SAINT. I am SO LUCKY.
This weekend
This was a nice low key weekend. We bought the new Harry Potter and watched it Friday night. At what point will WE (Jimmy & I) be able to watch a movie without stopping it 10 times?!?! (Last week we watched The Bourne Ultimatum and I kid you not, it took us over 4 hours to watch it!!!!)
We went grocery shopping, I went to Michael's to finish up buying Easter basket trinkets and bought gasoline....I know, my life is SO EXCITING! LOL
This week I have an OB appt. and Stella has a half day Wednesday for the start of Easter vacation....WOW, Easter....I bought my ham today.....guess I should figure out the rest of my menu.....
Allison
So my sweetheart Stella came off the bus Friday with her 1st place trophy! She mentioned she wanted a trophy, and I as most mothers said, "Ok honey, sure" not really *thinking* she'd ACTUALLY win the trophy!!! Now, I'm pretty sure it's just for her grade, but she originally told me she wanted to run 10 laps, and AGAIN, I said "Ok, honey Sure" WELL.....14 laps later!!!! I just can't believe it! She's AMAZING!
She helped raise over $500 for her school! I just can't believe ALL of the support she received! THANKS BUNCHES to everyone!!!
Georgia
The defiance of this 2 yr old AMAZES me. The screaming and throwing and just plain yells of "NOOOOOO." UGH UGH UGH
Now I know we all think our children are smart/above their peers etc....but I swear in certain aspects she really is! LOL. It amazes me how she's able to manipulate and get her way. Now yes, I DO give in at times. She's dealing with the loss of the binky and has replaced it with the comfort of her bed, watching freakin Dora on her DVD player and cuddling with her animals and occasional 'baba' (bottle). But as I speak to her OT, we are just picking our battles. Her anxiety levels increase drastically at times of distress. It's such a difficult thing to watch and deal with. I'm hoping in the next week to get her back into seeing her therapist.
PREGNANCY with twins
Let me first say, I figured this pregnancy would be well, different. BUT never in my LIFE would I think I would be in as much pain as I am. Feeling like you've been hit between the legs with a baseball bat 24/7 is just UN-FREAKIN REAL.
The exhaustion as well is just ridiculous. I often find myself saying, "I don't know why I'm so tired" UGH. I guess when you have double the amount of blood, 2 little bodies leaching everything out of you AND the inability to sleep....one can get tired more often. BUT I just feel so guilty. Jimmy sleeps about 6 hrs a day and then takes care of all of us PLUS cleans up the kitchen every night then goes to work at 11:30.....What a SAINT. I am SO LUCKY.
This weekend
This was a nice low key weekend. We bought the new Harry Potter and watched it Friday night. At what point will WE (Jimmy & I) be able to watch a movie without stopping it 10 times?!?! (Last week we watched The Bourne Ultimatum and I kid you not, it took us over 4 hours to watch it!!!!)
We went grocery shopping, I went to Michael's to finish up buying Easter basket trinkets and bought gasoline....I know, my life is SO EXCITING! LOL
This week I have an OB appt. and Stella has a half day Wednesday for the start of Easter vacation....WOW, Easter....I bought my ham today.....guess I should figure out the rest of my menu.....
Allison
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