Cullen, AKA Robin of my Batman and Robin pair...Was my feisty one while he grew inside me. My Trouble baby as I also called him.  In dealing with the inability to forgive myself from his death. I did not WANT to be pregnant. I was scared that I was having twins. I "didn't love him enough" while I carried and nurtured him inside me.....and then he died, In my arms. After a 5 hour fight and resuscitation efforts from a remarkable NICU team....I said STOP. I don't want him to suffer any longer. It's NOT FAIR to him.....Just because I WANT HIM.....He shouldn't suffer. My difficult. It's harsh. It's lonely as hell. But I need to give Cullen's Brother and sisters that chance of "survival" like that team did for him. I am going to FIGHT for them....Like I did for Cullen.